Give Life a Reacharound

A journey.

2010-01-18T21:39:00.001-05:00

I looked up at the ceiling...there was a reddish pattern/stain on one of the tiles. It looked like a circular saw cutting into a person. He was pinned up against a wall, with no way of avoiding it, and the saw just kept cutting deeper and deeper into him. It was at least two feet tall. I could hear the anger in his voice.

We went outside and looked at the stars. They were all moving around, but not fluidly. It was manic, and random, like they were flickering. When I looked at the ground, I could see them falling, making tiny little imprints where they collided with the snow. I looked back up at the trees and bushes surrounding us, and saw similar flickering lights. But they weren't stars, they were red. They were eyes, pairs of red eyes, flickering and watching and waiting for us to approach them, to go somewhere that they could reach us. But we weren't moving, so they merely sat on the border and waited.

When I closed my eyes and looked at everything through my shut eyelids, it was like having my vision enhanced. Everything was covered in a green pattern and illuminated. The pattern was like an italicized diamond with curved corners and a black dot in the center. Everything was covered in this pattern; the ground, the people, the trees, the skies, everything. But when my eyes were closed, the ones on the edge of the border were also able to speak to me. I couldn't comprehend exactly what they were saying, but I understood their emotions, their intents. And they made it very clear to me that because I would not venture past the line, they were going to lash out. And they made sure that I knew she was the target. Immediately after this, the two of them walked off to frolic around in the snow, while I stood there contemplating what I'd been told.

One returned, but she did not. We were talking for about 3 minutes before the rest of them realized that she wasn't present. I'd been constantly checking for her the entire time, but didn't make it known because I didn't want to start a panic of any sort. We called to her, and heard her voice...from a higher altitude. It turns out that she had climbed the tree from her youth. It was pitch black, so I couldn't see her, but knew from her voice that she was high enough where it would cause some damage should the worst come to pass. It was at this moment of realization that they communicated with me again, as if to confirm my worst fears. At this point, doing my best to avoid making the others aware of the situation, I suggested that we all go inside, and that she come down from the tree. There was some reluctance, but eventually, they agreed. The two of them went in, and I was left waiting for her to come down, still unable to see her. The longer she took, the more panicked I became. I started to walk over towards her with the intention of catching her/breaking her fall should anything come to pass, but luckily she was able to make it down. At this point the amount of stars colliding with the ground increased tenfold and once again I suggested that we join the other two inside. I could sense the frustration in their voices that they were unable to strike at us.

Once inside, we decided to venture into the basement, using only a candle for light. The four of us stood in a circle around the flame. But every time I closed my eyes to view things through my green filter, something called out to me. It wasn't human, it wasn't the things from outside, this was something new. I turned away from them and walked towards the darkness, unsure of what I was looking for. Looking through closed eyes, it seemed as though the path was open, but upon opening my eyes and extending my hand, I discovered a wall. I also became aware of the fact that the same beings from outside were with us again. They were surrounding the edge of the light, waiting for it to go out, knowing that they could not come to us as long as we were illuminated. At this point I spun around and spotted a small window at the other end of the basement. Closing my eyes again, I got my first glimpse of it as it called out to me again. It wasn't a sound that I can describe easily. It was a combination of a hawk's cry and an elephant's trumpet. Shrill and high pitched, it was difficult to identify the emotion behind it. At the window, I saw its head moving down into position, and one gigantic eye peered in. The actual eyeball was bright pink, and the eye itself was a ring of blue surrounding a ring of gold, with a black pupil. It stared at me unblinking, and then the others called me to head upstairs. I looked at them, and when I looked back and closed my eyes, it was gone. As I headed upstairs, I knew that even though I couldn't see it, it was still present in some way.

Once upstairs, I closed my eyes and instead of looking for any specific thing, just allowed my mind to lead me. At first I saw blackness, then a green square materialized. Initially it just hovered there in blackness, and then it started to spread, and open up. At that point, I realized that it was a gateway, and looking through it allowed me to view the entire universe. I could see stars, planets, galaxies, all covered in the same vibrant green pattern. In order to take the gateway and bring it into my world, I formed a triangle with my hands and peered through it. I was mesmerized by what I saw on the other side. Everything so bright, so alive, so indescribable. And then, it flew past my line of sight. I didn't know what it was at first, I only saw its colors. A large body, an incredibly long tail with streaks of blue and green and yellow. And then it flew past again, and I realized that it was Quetzalcoatl, the Aztec god. And I realized that it meant no harm, it was actually following and watching over us to protect us from the others.

I placed my hands on the floor, still in the shape of a triangle, then knelt before it and bowed my head directly onto it, praying. Showing my gratitude for its protection and watchful eye. For the first time all night, I no longer felt or sensed the negative spirits around us; they were gone, and Quetzalcoatl was the reason for that.

I went into the bathroom, and looked in the mirror. I saw my eyes and looked at them. Stared at them. And stared into them. Through that reflection, I could see within myself and beyond myself, with the ability to view so much more than what I could comprehend. I was in there for about 10 minutes, just gazing, until they realized I was missing and came to find me. I returned to the room, laid down, closed my eyes, and resumed my journey through the universe.

A solution to the war

2008-10-07T13:15:00.001-04:00

Let's talk politics right now. Most people are either Republicans or Democrats(Yea there are third parties and independents, but they don't factor in right now). A major point of contention between the two groups is the war. Most Democrats are staunchly opposed to the war and a continued presence in the middle east, and want our troops to be brought back home. Republicans on the other hand, are for the most part pro-war, and believe that we need tuh git the a-rabs uhcuz of that nine eleven. If we're not bombing someone, then something's not right. Now, I rarely, if ever talk politics in this journal. It usually leads to heated arguments and flame wars and I generally try to avoid those things. But I'm making this post because I finally had a stroke of genius, a solution to the war problem. I'll make the Republicans happy because we'll be bombing the utter shit out of something, and the Dems will be satisfied because this is an enemy that definitely deserves retaliation for years and years of pain inflicted upon people worldwide.

Ladies and Gentlemen...I propose we nuke...

"Let's get those cockblockin sonsabitches!"

Running the ball? What's that?

2008-09-29T22:26:00.001-04:00

Washington Redskins defense in week 1: Gave up 154 rushing yards on 32 carries(4.8 yards per carry) against the Giants
Washington Redskins defense in week 2: Gave up 55 rushing yards on 19 carries(2.8 yards per carry) against the Saints
Washington Redskins defense in week 3: Gave up 126 rushing yards on 23 carries(5.3 yards per carry) against the CARDINALS

Houston Texans defense in week 1: Gave up 183 rushing yards on 39 carries(4.7 yards per carry) against the Steelers
Houston Texans defense in week 3: Gave up 158 rushing yards on 37 carries(4.2 yards per carry) against Tennessee

Kansas City Chiefs defense in week 1: Gave up 126 rushing yards on 28 carries(5.5 yards per carry) against New England
Kansas City Chiefs defense in week 2: Gave up 300 rushing yards on 47 carries(6.4 yards per carry) against Oakland
Kansas City Chiefs defense in week 3: Gave up 186 rushing yards on 36 carries(5.2 yards per carry) against the fucking Falcons

Maurice Jones-Drew entering week 4: 31 carries for 137 yards(4.4), facing Texans(giving up an average of 4.5)

Marion Barber III entering week 4: 62 carries for 285 yards(4.6), facing Redskins(giving up an average of 4.5)

Selvin Young entering week 4: 27 carries for 179 yards(6.6), facing Chiefs(giving up an average of 5.5)

Week 4 Results:

Maurice Jones-Drew: 7 carries, 32 yards, no touchdowns
Marion Barber III: 8 carries, 26 yards, no touchdowns
Selvin Young: 11 carries, 49 yards, no touchdowns.

YOU WORTHLESS MOTHERFUCKERS KILLED MY FANTASY TEAM THIS WEEK. DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW BADLY AND PAINFULLY I WAS FUCKED? THE GUY I PLAYED AGAINST DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT ALMOST HALF HIS ROSTER HAD A BYE WEEK. SO HE PLAYED WITH ONE RECEIVER, ONE RUNNING BACK, AND NO DEFENSE. YET YOU THREE FUCKERS, GOING UP AGAINST DREEEEEAM MATCHUPS COMBINED FOR A FUCKING PATHETIC 26 CARRIES FOR 107 YARDS. MB3 HAD MORE THAN THAT ON HIS OWN LAST WEEK(28 for 142, 1 td). AND NOW I FIND MYSELF DOWN 8 POINTS TO A GUY THAT PROBABLY FUCKING FORGOT HE'S EVEN IN A LEAGUE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

And Jacksonville, you sorry fucks. What happened to the defense that gave up only 20 to the Bills? 21 to the Colts? YOU LET THE TEXANS HANG 27 ON YOU? AND YOU CAN'T EVEN REGISTER A SINGLE FUCKING SACK? FUCK OFF AND DIE YOU ASSHOLES.

In Belichick We Trust

2008-09-09T00:22:00.002-04:00

So it's official, Tom Brady is on injured reserve and his season is over. The offense is now in the hands of Matt Cassel. Ever since watching the hit I've been this sad, depressed sack, and it's time to end it. If there's one thing that every Patriots fan should know by now, it's trust in Belichick. The last time the starting quarterback went down, some 6th round unknown came in and led the team to a Superbowl title. Am I saying Matt Cassel will equal or surpass Tom Brady? No(although I wouldn't complain if he did). But the rest of the team is still intact, and the offense especially is loaded, so as long as he doesn't make mistakes and throw costly picks, the season isn't over yet. It's a stroke of luck that the Patriots had the league's easiest schedule this season, because there are going to be a lot of close, hard-fought games. With the seeming decline of the Colts and Chargers, the ascendancy of the Bills and Jets, and the yearly strong opening showing by the Steelers, the AFC is wide open for anyone's taking.

This is what happens when you get bored at work.

2008-06-11T03:44:00.002-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen…I’ve traveled over half our state to be here tonight. I couldn’t get away sooner because there was a final piece of intel to be captured and I had to destroy the sentry guarding it. That intel is now safely stored in the RED base where BLU shall never see it again. I have more intel stored and more on the way. So..Ladies and gentlemen, if I say I’m a demo man you will agree.

Now you have a great chance here, but bear in mind, you can lose it all if you’re not careful. Out of all the men that claim they are worthy of the uber to destroy the sentries, maybe one in twenty will be demo men; the rest will be soldiers- that’s men trying to get between you and the demo men to get some of the intel that ought by rights come to you. Even if you find one that has stickies, and means to destroy, he’ll maybe know nothing about demolition and he’ll have to hire the job out to a spy, and then you’re depending on a spy who may get distracted and try to knife a medic. That is the way this works.

I do my own demolition, and the medics that uber me uber only me and they’re medics I know. I make it my business to be there and use their charges. I don’t have my stickies bounce off the turret and then abandon the mission. I don’t allow my stickies to be shot away by an engineer. I’m a family man. I run a family business. This is my son and my partner H.W. Plainview(SENTRY NOT DESTROY SELF). We offer you the bond of family that very few demo men can understand. I’m fixed like no other demo man in this field and that’s because I recently procured BLU’s intel. I have two fully loaded launchers ready to put to work. I can load extra stickies onto carts and have them here in a week. I have business connections so I can get a medic for the ubercharge- such things go by friendship in a rush like this. And this is why I can guarantee to start demolishing enemy sentries and secure the intel. I assure you ladies and gentlemen, no matter what the others promise to do, when it comes to the showdown, they won’t be there.

(If I had more motivation, and knew how to take and edit video from tf2, I've already got the basic storyboards for a trailer in my head. Maybe when I get some downtime I'll explore this further.)

The most amazing and disappointing dream ever.

2008-03-05T20:38:00.003-05:00

My alarm went off this morning and I leaned forward, hit snooze, and dropped back into bed. But then I sat up again, and looked out the window. It was still very early, so the sun hadn't come up yet. But I was watching the moon descend below the horizon, and at the same time, the sun rise above it. This was all happening quickly, like a time lapse, but without the stuttery motion. The other thing is that the sun didn't seem to be lit. It was ghostly white(but not transparent or anything), and I could easily see the solar flares all around it. The most amazing part of the dream was that other than the sun and the moon, there wasn't much else in the sky...no clouds. But what there was in the sky, looked like this:

Just a bright red nebula across the entire sky, as far as I could see, and thousands of stars. Far, far more than you see in that photograph. And I remember just staring in awe and smiling. Then I laid back down. I got up soon after and thought to myself how awesome that was, and that I should go take another look at it. But then slowly my mind started to piece together the impossibilities, such as the non-shining sun, the fast movement of both the sun and the moon, and oh yea, the red fucking nebula plastered across the sky. And it was so vivid, that I initially believed that I had seen it, I was convinced. And as reality set in, I just got kind of depressed.

If you want to be amazed by space, look at this picture. It's called the Hubble Ultra Deep Field, and it's an image taken by the Hubble Telescope between 9/03 and 1/04. It contains an estimated 10,000 galaxies. Now, to put that into perspective, look at this picture. The HUDF, those ten thousand galaxies, the frame of that picture is that tiny little red X.

Love...or something like it

2008-02-24T19:00:00.000-05:00

'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

Everyone's heard that saying at one point or another. It's frequently tossed out to comfort a newly single acquaintance, usually paired with the equally eloquent "There's plenty of other fish in the sea." To those that have spoken this line in the context of relationships, if you believe it, you've never felt love. I understand what loneliness can do to someone, how it can feel not having a counterpart by your side to progress through life, lift you up when you're down, and other cliches. But I can say for a fact, from personal experience, and from observing others, the feeling of being sans love is nothing compared to finding that love, and then losing it. It's not possible it can come close. Even if you take a person that is so lonely they're hopelessly depressed; if you were to give them love, and then take it away, they would sink into unimaginable depths.

Everyone has experienced loneliness. No one has their perfect match throughout their entire life, we've all been jealous of seeing the popular couple walk around school/the neighborhood/elsewhere and wondered why it couldn't be you. It's not easy, but it's not an impossible feeling to deal with. It's always there, but you manage to go about your daily routine sans interruption. But having that perfect level of happiness, knowing that no matter how bad your day was, you'll have that someone to talk to, there'll always be that person that won't turn on you, is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. And getting accustomed to, and then losing it, is an emptiness I would wish on very few people. The only way that I can describe losing love is being eaten alive from the inside. Of course, the common metaphor is your heart breaking. But it goes far beyond that. The normal routine you'd been accustomed to, having that person there to talk to or see, all of a sudden has been turned on its head. Your mind doesn't know what to do, because usually when you had a problem or something to talk about, that was the person you'd talk to. It's also the only thing you can think about. You wonder what caused it, did you make a mistake somewhere, did you take something for granted, what was the cause, and how can you redeem yourself? Everyone tells you it's best to move on, but you can't. Your body, your mind, they aren't ready to move on. You'd prefer to take a million steps backwards to fix the situation than to take one step forwards and move on with your life. You stop eating, you stop caring about anything else. You don't see your friends, you don't talk to anyone, you become a literal shell of yourself. Everyone on the outside sees you, they see a person standing there, the person they recognize from so many memories. But inside, you're hollow. The biggest part of your life just up and disappeared, and you don't know how to react. It's a swirl of emotions and some people get through it, and some don't. But trust me when I say that if you're still waiting for your first love, you're better off.

Life or something like it

2008-02-13T13:14:00.001-05:00

Life. We all know what life is, but can we really give it an accurate description?

1. the condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.

Ok, there's the literal, scientific definition. But think bigger.

3. the animate existence or period of animate existence of an individual: to risk one's life; a short life and a merry one.

Getting a bit closer, let's try it once more.

11. the course of existence or sum of experiences and actions that constitute a person's existence: His business has been his entire life.

There we go. We are all alive, we all experience life in our own ways. We're told that a person's goal is to make the most of their life. But what exactly does that mean? Every person or group has their own take on the meaning of life, from the various religious aspects(getting into Heaven, getting a bunch of virgins, Xenu) to the more simplified version(there is no afterlife, so do what you can, while you can). But there is no universal goal that every single one of us strives for. The reason for that? Life doesn't matter anymore.

Since birth, your parents are going to pound this idea into your head: Your goal is go to school, go to college and get a degree, and get a job that pays you a lot of money. Once you have accomplished those steps, you are now considered a "success". But why exactly is that? Why is the bar set so low? The average lifespan for a human in the United States is typically in the mid to late 70s. Yet this goal, the degree, the job, this can all be achieved by the time you're 30. So what kind of world is it when we're not expected to have ambition beyond the first 1/3 of our life? The long and short of it is, from the second you escape the womb, your clock is counting down. At some completely random point in your future, you will die. It could be 80 years, it could be 80 weeks. In theory, knowing that your time could be up at any moment, shouldn't you be trying to accomplish as much as humanly possible with your time?

The fact is that outside of a very, very, very small percentage of people, the life you live won't matter. I'm not trying to attack people or bring them down, but for the most part, your accomplishments, whatever they are, will not outlive you. When your day comes and the clock runs out, that's it. That job that you were so good at, that your boss loved you for? They'll hire someone else. That house that you saved up for years to buy, designed just the way you want it? It'll go back on the market for someone else to buy. It's like (and I'm not trying to make pop culture references here, but it fits) William Hung, girl x from the Real World, etc. When they get their 15 minutes of fame, they'll do all sorts of things to stay relevant and get attention. But once it runs out, no one will care. No one's going to lament the void left by the Numa Numa guy. Life is the exact same way. And the reason for all this is the fact that humanity as a whole is spoiled. Looking at life centuries ago, nothing was guaranteed. Life and survival had to be earned, there was no middle ground where you could just make enough money to get by and stop. You either strived for the best you could be, or you lived in total poverty and usually wound up dying rather quickly. But today? The instinct we had is gone.

When America was first formed, the early leaders had this idea of Manifest Destiny tattooed in their heads. And it wasn't a short-term thing, they were determined to stretch across the land "from sea to shining sea". And it definitely wasn't fast, it took a few decades, but they accomplished it. Fast forward a few more decades, and we're sending rockets into space, a place that had always been there up above everyone's heads, but we never imagined we'd reach. Then in 1969, we put a man on the moon. Common sense would have you think that it'd be the tip of the iceberg, but here we are, nearly 40 years later, and that's as far as we've gone. In fact, we haven't even been that far since 72. Apparently there is no interest in anything else out there. "We'll we've seen the moon, what else is there?" A light year is the distance that a beam of light can travel in a 365-day span, approximately 5.8 trillion miles. A gigalight-year is one billion light years. Now, we know that there are other galaxies and objects in space as far as a gigalight-year away, and the visible edge of the universe is 46 gigalight-years from Earth. So realizing that this tiny spinning rock makes up such a microscopic, negligible, minuscule part of the universe, you would think that there would be some sort of attempt to see what lies beyond. But alas, no. I mean, yes there are scientists who study this, hoping to find a break, or find some way of making it feasible and possible in the near future. But everyone else? You can ask people on the street about their hopes for space exploration, and they're probably say they're more concerned with what's going to happen on Grey's Anatomy.

So why are so many people content to just follow the blueprint? It's hereditary. You're going to have person A, who is told that the school-college-job formula is the definition of success. So they do it, meet someone, start a family, and pass on the blueprint. Instead of completely stimulating a child's motivation, telling them that literally anything and everything is within their reach, we're just telling them "Hey, this worked for me, why don't you give it a shot". When you get the child that wants to go off and do their own thing, to actually follow their dreams, they often become the family's black sheep. Instead of being supported and lauded for actually pursuing something they love, trying to find that balance between economic success and happiness in life, they're viewed as an outcast and branded as a failure-in-waiting. Creativity and a desire to actually change the world are viewed as negative character traits, and applause is reserved for the ones that walk in previously laid footsteps. And anytime someone does wind up doing something unique? They are immediately swarmed with parasites, and you'll see countless carbon-copies and clones pop up, trying to ride the wave of success.

I hate to quote Hatebreed here, but the title of an early album is Satisfaction is the Death of Desire. And that's the problem we face. And while it's partially because we're reaching our level of satisfaction too early in life, the main cause is the definition of satisfaction that we're being given. We as a people need to never be satisfied. Complacency is letting your guard down. Once you stop believing that you can fail, once you believe that all is well, that's when things will go South. I mean, if you feel that you've accomplished your goal in life, why stick around? You're going to spend the next 40-50 years wasting space. You don't have 30 years to stimulate your mind, and 50 years to live the same exact routine. You have an entire lifetime, no matter how long or short, to fully exert yourself mentally and try to actually make an impact. So do it. Whatever is in your heart, no matter how far-fetched or impossible it may be, shoot for it. Drop everything that would be a roadblock and pursue your own happiness.

I say, let me never be complete. I say, may I never be content.

The reason old people have bad reputations(well, him and their driving)

2007-12-08T11:02:00.000-05:00

Now, onto Mercury Morris. For those that don't know, Mercury Morris was the running back for the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only team to ever have a perfect season(and they're now on their way to being the first team to go 0-16, which I called in the first month of the season), going 17-0(There were only 14 regular season games back then) and winning the Superbowl. Since then, the regular season has been expanded to sixteen games, and the legend goes that when the last undefeated team loses a game, the members of the 72 Fins pop the cork on a bottle of champagne to celebrate the fact that they are the only ones atop the tower. I, among many others, questioned how true this was, that a bunch of old men could be so bitter and petty, but that was before Mercury Morris.

In the 2005 season, the loathesome Indianapolis Colts were reeling off wins like it was no one's business, eventually making it to 13-0. I recall watching ESPN's Cold Pizza(now known as First Take), and whenever a team goes undefeated for so long, they usually like to interview a member of the 72 Dolphins team, because clearly a guy that played 30 years ago would have relative insight into this. For some reason they chose one Mercury Morris, a man that was so belligerent and crude they actually cut the satellite feed mid-interview, and awkwardly went to commercial. Then the Colts lost, and he wasn't heard from again, due to no team taking the undefeated streak that far last season.

Enter 07. This time, it's New England with the goose egg in the loss column, and while you'd think they learned their lesson, ESPN has once again decided to bring back the only person I've ever known to be truly worthy of the word "curmudgeon", Mercury Morris. And what has he done? Look for yourself:

You have to realize, that this year, no team has been more vilified or hated than the New England Patriots. And I've read on multiple sites that the complete, overflowing assholery of this man has made them want New England to run the table, in the hopes that Morris either shuts up or returns to his fledgling cocaine business from the 80s and takes one line too many. I mean, for all the accusations of cheating and beating weak opponents the Patriots have taken, this is a Dolphins team with the lowest strength of schedule(the winning percentage of their opponents) of any Superbowl winner, and oh yeah, they cheated and broke an NFL rule when they signed head coach Don Shula(Not curmudgeon-level yet, but certainly cantankerous) away from another team, while he was still under contract. Yet do you see anyone clamoring for an asterisk on their undefeated season? No, they're to be revered, and constantly fellated by every sports journalist and publication. And to their credit, no other member of the team has reached the depths of douchebaggery inhabited by Mercury, so it seems he's alone in his senility. But I can say that it truly saddens me that he wasn't born two years earlier, so he might've somehow found his way into a gas chamber.

Now, I haven't commented on the big picture yet, and I won't, because I view it week to week, and right now, the team we will have to play at our absolute best to beat is the Pittsburgh Steelers. They do everything that the Ravens and Eagles did the past two weeks, but they do it much better, and with the NFL's #1 defense. Previously, when the top defense and offense met, I'd always side with the defense. This time, I'm hoping I'm wrong. As I stated earlier in the season, the one weakness this team has is the run defense. The loss of Roosevelt Colvin only makes it worse. The reason is wasn't evident was because we'd jump out to such huge leads early in the game, that teams would have to pass against us, and couldn't afford to run. But now that we're playing close games, or trailing until the final 44 seconds of the game(heart attack in Baltimore, Jesus fucking christ), it's being exposed. The Eagles ran on us, The Ravens ran like fuck on us, even the Dolphins in a massive losing effort put up 200 on the ground. And now we face Pittsburgh, a team with the second leading rusher in the NFL(Behind Purple Jesus), and the league's top rated defense, which is known for their zone blitzing. I'm not saying it's impossible, because I always believe that this team will win. But we will have to play absolutely perfect football. Perfect.

Manowar rocked by controversy

2007-11-12T09:21:00.000-05:00

Shock waves were sent through the metal world when fist-pumping pioneers Manowar were revealed as frauds. A video obtained via an anonymous source shows that the so called "Loudest Band in the World" and "Kings of Metal" actually do not play on 10. Digital enhancement shows that the band's amplifiers are set somewhere in the 6.5 region. When reached for comment, founder Joey DeMaio refused to speak with reporters.

But despite the band's silence, the video's contents have already had an effect. The owners of Leo's Loincloth Warehouse have announced that they will no longer sponsor Manowar's tour, and a similar statement is expected from the Wench Emporium. Our source within the band's organization tells us that this has been a long time coming.

"All this talk of metal this and metal that...they're a bunch of liars. You know what they do when they aren't touring? Karl(Logan) is a rave DJ, and Eric(Adams) spends his free time gardening. He sold one of his old bikes to import some rare Asian flower or something."

But as far as the low amplifier settings?

"They've got tiny little noise-blocking earbuds in during every show. Keeping it at 6.5 allows them to listen to their preferred brand of music, which is usually some smooth jazz. Although I think I saw Joey with the new Maroon 5 album."

While our source may have some critical words, the harshest reprimands are coming from the band's fans.

"What happened to 'all men play on ten, never gonna turn down again,' what happened to everything they stood for?!" said a fan that didn't wish to give us his first name, only going by Mr Ong. "These guys were supposed to be the definition of metal and glory, and instead it's Maroon 5 and pruning shears?! To hell with them, I'm converting to a Rhapsody fan(in reference to the puffy shirt he's wearing, it seems)."

This is only a fraction of what we heard, but most comments are unsuitable for publishing in a family publication such as this. We'll bring you more updates to the story as we get them.

Pats at Colts: 2nd half

2007-11-04T19:46:00.000-05:00

Halftime thoughts:

-Joseph Addai has almost 200 all-purpose yards
-Peyton Manning hasn't been sacked, he's barely even been touched
-The Pats offensive line hasn't been looking as dominant as they had earlier in the season
-Laurence Maroney was having success on the ground, but his number hasn't been called very much. 48 yards on just 9 carries
-Did I mention that the key is stopping Addai?
-We need to throw some exotic blitzes at Peyton, break up his rhythm. Once he gets into a groove, the guy is dangerous as all hell.
-By no means has either team looked unstoppable, or terrible. It's been all about good series and bad series.
-And the 2nd half is underway

5:57 - Fuck it, shotgun, open up the passing game. Spread em wide.

5:58 - Decent punt though, pinned em inside the 15.

6:01 - Rodney makes a pick!

6:04 - HOW IS THAT NOT PASS INTERFERENCE ON KEVIN FAULK?!

6:07 - Getting slightly calmer now. Slightly. But the amount of bullshit calls and noncalls against the Pats is ridiculous.

6:08 - That was a good stop on Addai, the defense is getting pissed off. And twice in a row now, this time for a 9 yard loss.

6:11 - I'm just going to refrain from commenting on the penalties, only acknowledging their supposed existence.

6:13 - Absolutely sick one-hander by Randy Moss.

6:17 - Brady's got some speed, picks up the first, and for once, the penalty isn't against New England. Shocking.

6:21 - And this drive ends in a field goal after a 3d down stop by Bob Sanders, who could apparently cure cancer the way the announcers gush about him. Colts 13-10.

6:28 - That was close as fucking shit. Huuuge gain dropped by Reggie Wayne, and that brings up 4th down for the Colts. And a great punt return by Wes Welker.

6:32 - This drive is key, we need to score and take the lead back.

6:34 - Goddamn you Gary Brackett. Interception. Oh wait, and a penalty on the Pats. Of course, it's the standard right now.

6:37 - And there goes Dallas Clark, being fucking open.

6:39 - And now it's first and goal for the Colts.

6:41 - Manning on the keeper from 1 yard out, 20-10 Colts.

6:46 - And another very uncharacteristic Randy Moss drop. The team's gotta get a rhythm going, asap. And that pass was a good start.

6:47 and another fucking drop, Jesus. Moss was basically infallible te entire season, catching anything near him.

6:49 - That's the trifecta right there. Deep pass to Moss in the redzone. Colts penalty. Sanders hurt.

6:53 - Moss called for pass interference(I'm not getting into it, but you can guess what I think about it), but a pass to Welker gets em to 3rd and goal at the 3.

6:56 - And Wes Welker is baaaarely able to squeeze past the pylon into the endzone. Colts lead cut to 3, 20-17

7:00 - We need a 3 and out no-fuck. Rodney Harrison seems to be limping slightly. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

7:02 - Hold on the Colts, and it's now 2nd and 18. Under 6 minutes to go.

7:03 - 3rd and 10.

7:04 - False start, 3rd and 15.

7:05 - 4th down, Welker returns the punt a yard shy of midfield. 3:58 to go.

7:07 - Sick sick catch by Stallworth, and the Pats are already in field goal range, inside the 20.

7:08 - TD Kevin Faulk, and the Pats are gonna lead by four after the extra point, 24-20, with 3:15 left on the clock. My god this is a tense game.

7:10 - Colts have two timeouts left, 3:10 to go, the ball is at the 24. And it's up to the defense.

7:11 - Incomplete pass, 2nd and 10.

7:12 - First down for the Colts, Wayne pushed out of bounds shy of midfield, 1st and 10.

7:13 - Addai stopped after a gain of 1, 2nd and 9.

7:13 - Incomplete pass, 3rd and 9.

7:14 - Pressure on Peyton Manning, the ball falls right into Roosevelt Colvin's hand, Pats get it back, 5 yard penalty, 1st and 10, 2:25 to go at the 46

7:17 - Colts take their final timeout before the two minute warning strikes, it's gonna be 3rd down for the Pats, 3rd and 6.

7:19 - Two minute warning, Pats have the first down, and they can just kneel the ball away now.

7:22 - Clock runs out, game's over, New England Patriots advance to 9-0 and get a well-earned bye week. Goddamn that was a good game.

Pats at Colts: 1st half

2007-11-04T19:42:00.000-05:00

4:11 - The game hasn't started yet, the Vikes-Chargers game is on. And Adrian Peterson has been KILLING them. The guy's got 258 rushing yards, and this is with him splitting carries with Chester Taylor.

4:15 - I hate that kickoff times are nothing but lies. When the clock strikes 4:15, I don't wanna stare Phil Simms in the face. I wanna see some fuckin football. Let's do this. Marvin Harrison and Tony Ugoh are out for the Colts. Eugene Wilson is out for the Pats.

4:19 - And the Colts offense will take the field first. The guys to stop, Dallas Clark and Joseph Addai.

4:22 - Come on fourth down....Damnit.

4:23 - That's nice to see, Richard Seymour chasing down and keeping with Joseph Addai.

4:25 - My ass he got his feet down. But to this point, we haven't gotten an ounce of pressure on Peyton Manning. He's had all day, and his passes have been spot-on.

4:28 - Damnit. The big weakness is the run game, and Addai's just making it look easy. So unless there's a turnover, they're at least gonna get 3 points out of this drive. Fuckin ell.

4:31 - Fuckin Dallas Clark, that was too close for comfort. Come on defense, hold em to 3.

4:33 - I love when announcers just drive a point home over and over, like "Vinatieri's never, ever missed a kick inside the RCA Dome"...and then he misses.

4:36 - It's the pass rush I was worried about most from the Colts, and how the fuck does Nick Kaczur not even try to block? "Oh, let me step aside for you". And shit, nothing against Kevin Faulk, but why is he starting instead of Maroney?

4:37 - Ok, I'm going to blame Jim Nantz for repeatedly stating that the Pats have scored on every first drive for that 3 and out. Jim Nantz and Nick Kaczur. Fuckin hell.

4:42 - Announcers suck part 1: "He's got this wiggle and this hip hop move"

4:43 - Goddamnit Asante. You'd been playing so well. And then you go and commit fucking pass interference against the Colts of all teams, and give them first and goal.

4:44 - How do you have a play like that, with a possible turnover, and not show one single fucking replay?

4:45 - Ok, Asante kinda redeemed himself there. And look at that, the second the play was over, and Gonzalez dropped the ball, how many replays were there?

4:47 - Oh, thank you for the replay after the drive was over. It was definitely appreciated. 3-0 Colts.

4:52 - Randy Moss has entered the building.

4:54 - Very very happy to see Ben Watson in there, as well as Laurence Maroney getting big chunks of yards against this defense.

4:58 - Seriously, where's the offensive line I saw in the first 8 games? An extra second or two would do it, that's all. The Colts D-line isn't so good that you should just completely collapse and go into the fetal position.

5:01 - 3rd and goal, come on, come on...punch that shit in....Randy Moss. Man-crush. Confirmed. Patriots 7-3.

5:08 - 3 penalties for 47 yards...yea, that's not good.

5:10 - STOP JOSEPH ADDAI. CAN SOMEONE COVER HIM? He's already got over 100 all-purpose yards

5:12 - BULLSHIT. MY FUCKING ASS THAT WAS PASS INTERFERENCE.

5:15 - At least we kept em out of the endzone. It's back to the classic "bend but don't break" defense. Pats 7-6.

5:22 - A very rare Randy Moss drop.

5:26 - This game's been more of a defensive struggle than I expected it to be. But I expect the second half to feature more scoring as both teams try to build up a large enough cushion to seal the deal.

5:30 - 2 minute warning. Bill is going to ream them at halftime for all these penalties. 102 yards so far, in one half.

5:34 - And Tom Brady throws his first interception in forever, with a long bomb to Donte Stallworth.

5:39 - TACKLE TACKLE TACKLE. HONESTLY, WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT WAS THAT.

5:42 - First half over, Colts lead 13-7.

Bonus commentary on that touchdown:
BlkMetalDeviant: dgfr
BlkMetalDeviant: xeth
BlkMetalDeviant: erhjt
BlkMetalDeviant: crth
BlkMetalDeviant: BITCHES
GrimNecroWizard: WHAT
BlkMetalDeviant: YOU CALL THAT MOTHERFUCKING TACKLING
GrimNecroWizard: WHAT
GrimNecroWizard: FUCKING WHAT
GrimNecroWizard: OH SHIT
BlkMetalDeviant: WHAT THE JESUIS WAS THAT
GrimNecroWizard: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
BlkMetalDeviant: DID YOU ALL JUST STEP ASIDE
Aiden Macleod: XD
BlkMetalDeviant: WAS HE SOME OLD WOMAN
GrimNecroWizard: FUCKING OWWWWWWWWWWWNED
Aiden Macleod: This is amazing
BlkMetalDeviant: WERE YOU GIVING UP YOUR SEAT ON THE BUS
BlkMetalDeviant: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT
crispy927: 13 seconds left int he fucking half
BlkMetalDeviant: YOU WANNA HAND HIM SOME WATER WHILE HE SPRINTS TO THE MARATHON FINISH
crispy927: lmao
Aiden Macleod: "Hey look, hes about to stop that receiver from making to the endzone by jumping at him! Quick, throw the flag! THROW IT!!"
crispy927: so who wants to start the betting on how high OD's Blood pressure is right now

Yea, you can guess which one is me.

Every Guy's Got One

2007-10-22T12:34:00.000-04:00

2. mancrush

The highest tier of a man's love for another man, without having any sexual want towards the man.

I have a mancrush on Ryan Dunn for being the man.

To many, the mancrush is a strange thing. Some don't understand exactly what it entails, whether it's attraction, respect, admiration, or something else. This NFL season, I've realized that my mancrush is one Randy Moss, newly acquired wide receiver for the New England Patriots. Basically, if Randy was royalty, I would gladly pledge my allegience to him. There isn't a shadow of a fucking doubt in my mind that he is simply the best receiver in football, period. There is no contest, there is no question. One look at his wikipedia page will show you the various records he holds. And yesterday, during a brutal faceraping of the Dolphins in which the Pats were leading 42-7 at halftime, he had caught two touchdown passes, including one with his fucking elbow. Every game, every week, I see Tom Brady throw a ball up, and Randy is double covered. And the ball comes down, and I curse, because it looks as if one or both defenders got a hand and either broke it up or intercepted it. But then Randy stands up, football in hand, making it look like the easiest fucking thing.

In the entire Belichick era, there has never been a team like this. It's always been defense first, and then Tom Brady just finds a way to get points on the board. During the Superbowl years of 03 and 04, the team went 14-2, but they were all hard fought games, many won on the final drives. But this is something completely different. There's never been a team under him that's been such an offensive juggernaut, and Tom Brady's sure as fuck never had a weapon like Randy Moss. 3rd and 18? No problem, just heave it towards the endzone. Oh look, Randy caught the ball over two defenders. With one hand. While sleeping. And he'll always have the presence to know how close he is to going out of bounds, and that he'll have to drag his feet. And it doesn't hurt to have Tom Brady throwing it, who somehow manages to put the ball right out of the defender's range, but exactly where Randy can pull it in. Whether it's from the side, the top, underneath, wherever. And I'm not trying to be one of those gloating New England fans, because I know how they are. I'm honestly just amazed at the way this season has progressed thus far. I'm not going to get ahead of myself and make bold predictions or statements. One week at a game, one game at a time. But what we've seen so far has been nothing short of magnificent.

The bane that is television

2007-10-15T12:34:00.000-04:00

Tv is garbage. I mean, it has been for a long time, it's not news to anyone. The thing that strikes me as weird is that networks don't even try to disguise the crap they put out, they're flat out telling you "This is nothing new, it'll be canceled within two years", but people still lap it up without question.

Comedy
This is probably the genre that needs a reworking more than any other. Comedy has been stale for years and years, and that's because the networks don't actually know what's funny(Or maybe their plan is to appeal to those without a sense of humor...genius). Comedy has been recycled more times than anything. The formula for 95% of all comedies has been:

straight(not in orientation, but referring to a normal, run of the mill person) character + zany risk taker + hijinks + love story tacked on at the end.

Or typical male husband(beer, sports, farts) + wife that claims to be sick of his crap + way more fights than you'd usually see + guy's single friend that tells him not to sell out to the woman + a nice resolution at the end along with a PSA-level message.

And this is how it's been. They make different shows, swap out the lead roles, but it's all the same. Mad About You, Dharma and Greg, Home Improvement, Everybody Loves Raymond, Still Standing, King of Queens, According to Jim, etc. And I haven't even watched half of those. But if you get a show with a different take, such at Titus, it's basically given a cyanide pill to take from the get-go, because a time will come when it's inexplicably yanked off the air. Titus gave a big fuck you to the traditional storylines opting for much much darker and riskier humor(sexual abuse, drugs, alcoholism, adultery, schizophrenia, etc). And despite having high ratings for a show with such subject matter, it was canceled(one of many good shows tossed to the side by Fox)

But hell, the setups are not the main reason to dislike this. The reason people stick with these formulas is because it is possible to make them funny. Unfortunately, the vast majority of those shows have fucking horrible, horrible writing and predictable punchlines. They'll get into the same scenarios, and then have the same ending. And then there's the laugh track. I personally don't care for the laugh track, and I think having one is foolish, because it basically says to the viewer "I know you're an idiot, so I'm gonna put this here so you know when to laugh, and which line to quote at work for the rest of the week." Well-written shows don't need laugh tracks, the jokes will be strong enough to carry themselves. The only shows with laugh tracks that I thought were geuinely incredibly funny overall, not because of one or two lines, were Seinfeld and Titus. Nothing else ever got to me, they were filled with the cheesiest lines and the most unoriginal plots I'd ever seen. And unfortunately this is most of what's on tv now.

Suggested Viewing: Arrested Development, The Office, Titus, Scrubs, Seinfeld, South Park(not a comedy per se, but one of the funniest shows on tv, as well as probably the best-written)

Drama
Another one that's been driven so far into the ground it could be considered an invasion of China. Dramas are completely built on copycats, and people still watch, and even worse, they're among the most-watched shows on tv.

Law Shows:
Boston Legal
The Practice
Law & Order
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Law & Order: Criminal Intent
Law & Order: Crime & Punishment
Law & Order: Trial by Jury
Crossing Jordan
The Lion's Den
Shark

Now, I know that there are alot of laws in this country just waiting to be broken. But I don't think I could find anyone that could look me in the eye and tell me that they believe all of those shows do enough to separate from each other and are all worthy of existence. Law & Order especially, which is the most blatant offender. "What, we have a hit show? Well let's just make another one with a different cast."

And then you have the WB dramas. Not all found on the WB, but they might as well be. Shit like 7th Heaven or One Tree Hill, either about families just living day to day, or certain people growing up and learning lessons about life, blah blah. It started with Dawson's Creek, and that show gave us Katie Holmes. Now, while I wouldn't have hesitated to bone her, her existence and exposure will be our undoing. Because of that show, she became famous, caught the eye of Tom Cruise, and has now helped him extend his psychotic thetan-sucking bloodline. So you see people, if you watch crappy dramas, you're supporting Scientology.

And while I could have put it up above, I reserve a special level of hell for CSI and it's two spinoffs, following in the cashcow path blazed by Law and Order. CSI has somehow become the most watched show on television, and while I've never watched an episode, I'm pretty sure I could guess how it turns out.

Dead body found + two suspects initially that keep pointing to the other + not enough evidence found to arrest anyone + dramatic confrontation demanding a confession + oops, we found a fingerprint, I totally didn't see that right in front of me before + the killer is arrested and put away, happy ending

Except in the spinoffs the ending would usually take place on a Miami beach or in a New York alley. I gotta tell you, I can't get sick of watching the same thing happen week in and week out on three different shows. And hey, wouldn't it be funny if during the season the team from one show had to join forces with the team from another show? It'd be so cool, like watching two shows at once!"

You want unique shows? 24, A unique concept that had its first weak season in the 6th year. Lost, a drama unlike any other with more layers than a foot-tall club sandwich. Dexter, a unique take on the crime scene genre, where Dexter Morgan, a blood splatter analyst, also happens to be a serial killer, and must balance his two sides while trying to...no, not gonna give anything away(Based on the books by Jeff Lindsay, worth a read). The Shield, easily the best cop show on television, past and present company included.
Heroes is apparently very good as well, but I haven't had a chance to watch it yet. It's on my agenda.

Reality Shows
The bane of my television viewing existence. I'm not going to rant about why reality shows suck, everyone already knows that they suck. My issue with them is that every single channel is abandoning their established lineups and shows to jump on the reality cashcow. Titus, which I spoke of earlier? Was canceled and replaced by Skating with Celebrities. MTV, as terrible as they've been lately, actually used to live up to the M in their name many many years ago. Nowadays, seeing a video on MTV is rarer than the President correctly pronouncing a word with 5 4 3 2.5 syllables. ESPN's gotten into it, Spike got into it, of course the major networks. Of course the one that stings the most is The Discovery Channel. As I lamented a few months ago, I was watching Shark Week not only because sharks are fucking awesome, but because it was the only time that we wouldn't be inundated with crappy reality shows from a once amazing and educational channel. Proof of what they are now? I went into the guide and this is their schedule for the rest of the day:

How It's Made
Unsolved History
A Haunting
Dirty Jobs
Mythbusters
Cash Cab
Cash Cab
How It's Made
How It's Made
Mythbusters
Mythbusters
Mythbusters
Last One Standing
Mythbusters
Mythbusters

The first thing I found in the listing for a nature/animal show wasn't until 10pm tomorrow night, Giant Squid: Caught on Camera. Oh, and it was sandwiched in between 5 episodes of Dirty Jobs. As to why reality shows appeal, I don't know to be honest. Wow, 7 people living together in a house, I wonder how they're gonna react to each other! Wait, I live in a house with 7 people! I don't need to watch that clearly fake and edited show, I've got this crazy thing called real life!

The Idiot Box, indeed.

Thoughts on last night's game, and on the Cowboys

2007-10-09T08:42:00.000-04:00

This game. This fucking game hurt to watch. I've made no secret of my complete and utter disdain for the Dallas Cowboys. From the Tony Romo/John Madden/Peter King circle jerk, to TO's retarded antics, there is nothing about this team that's worth a damn. The Cowboys are who we thought they were! Now if you wanna crown em, then go ahead and crown their asses! They haven't played a single fucking quality opponent, and just because they appeared to be the best team in the NFC, people think that puts them up there with the elite teams. No jackass, the NFC is like Pop Warner compared to the AFC. I guarantee Pittsburgh or San Diego could easily beat them. There is no way on Earth your team can be considered a contender when your top receiver(who some would attempt to argue is one of the best in the league) drops that many fucking balls in one game. And then not even any passes, but crucial, cruical ones. Had the Cowboys lost tonight, next to Tony Romo, TO would easily be in second for the largerst share of the blame. For those that didn't watch tonight, this was the gist of it. Buffalo was leading the entire game. The entire, fucking game. They scored on interceptions returns, they scored on a kickoff return. They intercepted Romo 5 times, and forced another fumble. But Dick Jauron kept too tight a leash on Trent Edwards. Except for one pick, he put in a solid effort statistically, going 23/31. But he only threw for 176 yards. That's 7.7 yards per pass completion. If you're not gonna let your QB attempt to make some plays and try to win this game, then it's not gonna happen. The reason the Bills din't put up any offensive touchdowns was because they either ran it with Marshawn Lynch, threw screens, or tossed short passes for small gains. Despite throwing 5 fucking interceptions, Wade Phillips was still letting Romo throw the ball downfield. And in the end, that was what got them into field goal range to kick the game winner. Buffalo had this game. They had it wrapped up, and they gave it away, and it was disgusting. And instead of looking at this as proof that Dallas isn't the juggernaut that everyone thought, the media is only going to mark this as another chapter in the lore of Tony Romo. "This team is so good, they can throw five picks, then come back and win it!". No. Good teams don't throw five picks and then come back, good teams minimize mistakes and take leads. Good teams don't have their star receiver drop a two point conversion, and then a crucial pass trying to get into field goal range. Good teams won't keep the opposition from scoring any offensive touchdowns, but still find themselves losing with seconds to go.

Thoughts on the Patriots Scandal

2007-09-12T15:03:00.000-04:00

Ok. For those who don't know, the New England Patriots have been accused by the New York Jets of using a camera to record defensive signals. I'll put into layman's terms what this means. The story goes that a Patriots employee videotaped the defensive coordinator for the Jets on the opposite sideline, and took note of the hand signals and gestures he was sending out to the defense on the field. Using this video evidence, the Patroits would be able to determine which hand signals correspond to which type of defensive package and play(whether it's a blitz, a rush from the left, dropping back into pass coverage and double teaming receiver x, etc) and then adjust their play to take advantage of that. Think of it like knowing where your opponent is going to put his pieces before you start playing Battleship. After the game, the videocamera was confiscated and sent to the Comissioner's office to determine whether or not he had actually been taping the NY coordinators. I chose to refrain from commenting until more details came out, and Monday night before going to bed, I saw that ESPN reported that the video supported the Jets' claim. I've been trying to figure out the possible reasoning for doing this, and where I stand on it, and now I'm going to attempt to put it down here.

First, there is the rumor that apparently this isn't an isolated incident, and it's something that the Patriots/Head Coach Bill Belichick has been doing for years:

Steelers coaches, who asked not to be identified, have suspected for a long time that the Patriots used such a device to gain an illegal advantage, although they did not file a complaint with the league.

One assistant said the Steelers changed their defensive signals whenever they played against New England because of their suspicions.

These same coaches have also stated that it's something Belichick has been doing since he was a head coach for the Cleveland Browns back in the early 90s. Current Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin had the following to say:

You hear rumors of things of that nature. It’s nothing new. In terms of confirming it, it’s never been confirmed in any instance to my knowledge. But usually where there is smoke, there’s fire. Those rumors are founded on something. So it’s not totally shocking, no.

And on a radio interview, San Diego Chargers RB Ladanian Tomlinson had this exchange with an interviewer when asked if the allegations surprised him:

Tomlinson: "Not really, because there's been stuff that's been going on for the last couple of years. People in Miami, the Jets, have been complaining about something that the Patriots have done. Either get in their playbook somehow, or bringing a player in just because they're playing them that week. So it really doesn't surprise me that they're trying to gain an edge any way they can."

Mason: "LT, do you consider that cheating?"

Tomlinson: "I guess it's a form of cheating. Yeah, I guess. I don't know if there's a particular rule that says you can't do that, but everybody knows it's really not right to do it. So it is a form of cheating even though it's not said to be."

Mason: "So this stuff doesn't surprise you because people have been talking about it with Belichick for a while now."

Tomlinson: "Yeah, it's been topic of conversation for the past couple of years or so. "

A New York paper has posted one possible start to the exposure of the videotaping:

NEW YORK -- A story in Wednesday's New York Daily News claims that Jets coach Eric Mangini, a former New England assistant under Bill Belichick, came armed with keen knowledge of the team's surveillance methods -- and finally decided to act.

"[The Jets] knew they did it," the Daily News wrote, citing a person with knowledge of the situation, who sent the newspaper an e-mail. "They caught the guy a year ago, but couldn't do anything about it. When Eric came, he said that's what they used to do. Bill is going to be [ticked] at Eric. He kissed and told." ?

And now belated accusations have popped up from the Packers, Lions, and Bills. The other teams stated that they either didn't have enough evidence to take further action, or didn't want to do so under the circumstances of the game results(35-0 and 28-6 losses), to make it seem like they were making excuses. I'm not going to get into why they didn't have evidence before, but now raise their voices up. Not to say it didn't happen, because all signs are pointing to the truth. But at this point, all 31 teams could say that it's happened to them, and they would be riding solely on the shoulders of the Jets, the only ones with actual proof. However, from reading interviews and articles with other sportswriters and former/current head coaches, this is very similar to the steroids scandal in baseball: Everyone does it, the Patriots just happened to be the ones caught, and now they're going to be the face of it, similar to McGwire and Bonds in the MLB. An article posted on ESPN during a cheating special back in early August had the following:

Stealing audibles, for example, is quite common. Current Detroit Lions president Matt Millen was a master at that during his 12-year career. He apparently could hear 10 audibles and know what each one meant by the start of the second half.

Yes, that's the same Matt Millen that just came out of the woodwork to jump on the accusation bandwagon against the Pats. But wait, there's more:

When Marty Schottenheimer coached the Cleveland Browns in the late 1980s, he routinely sent a scout to watch the signals opposing teams used to relay messages from coaches to players. When the scout returned, Schottenheimer's staff would watch the game film and match the signals to the plays that followed.

Edwards said the same is true today. It's common for coaches to watch standard game tapes (which include shots from the press box and end zone angles), sideline tapes (which usually wind up on highlight shows and include footage of players and coaches talking on the sidelines) and even the television shows of opposing coaches for tips.

These men then watch the footage with the same scrutiny FBI agents reserve for reviewing a wiretap recording.

"We want to hear what's being said in case you hear an audible or a [defensive] check," Edwards said. "Coaches have a saying: "Anything you say can and will be used against you.'"

So it would seem that all of these teams crying foul, saying that the Patriots took advantage of them, have been pulling the same tricks themselves. But rather than wanting to be the first team exposed(and thus become the permanent face of the problem), when the news of the complaint by Mangini surfaced, they jumped onboard to stack the case against them.

Now, first I need to clarify something. Don't for a second think I'm condoning this. I think it's fucked up, especially given that(There's no way of saying this without sounding like an egotistical, obnoxious sports fan) the teams accusing us of cheating are teams that we could easily beat. The Packers last year, 35-0. They simply weren't a good team, they've been in a rebuilding stage for 2, 3 years now. The Jets on Sunday. Whether you know the defense or not, it doesn't take away from the fact that some players are simply more talented than others. Randy Moss, on his lone touchdown catch of the day, outran 3 Jets defensive players. Note, I didn't say sprinted past. Tom Brady heaved the ball high up and downfield, and the video clearly shows Randy running alongside 3 Jets defenders, slowly but surely gaining on them, and eventually passing them, before making the reception. You don't need to know the defense if your players are simply better than those of the opposing team. How is it that if Belichick was doing this back in his Cleveland days the best he could do was a 36-44 record? It's clearly not having as large an impact as the media wants you to believe. There's no denying it will give you an edge, but the fact is that the outcome rests more on the players and their level of talent; ie, you couldn't record and study these signals, then try and go undefeated with Charlie Frye throwing to Todd Pinkston. I'm not defending what happened, but I'm trying to be the voice of logic.

Similar to what happened with Bonds and McGwire, the very day this news broke, people instantly began clamoring that they should be stripped of their Superbowl titles, or that an asterisk should be put next to the Patriots name. The downside to something like this, a major event, and being the face of it, is that it is going to lay a cloud of doubt over everything you have ever done, and everything you ever will do. As I said before the season, on paper, this team looks like nothing short of a massive injury to a key player will keep them from making it to the Superbowl and winning it. And say they do? It will be completely meaningless, because despite the sanctions that will be imposed by the Comissioner, everyone and their mother will remain completely convinced that the Patriots cheated in every single game. We could have NFL officials on our sideline for every single second, from kickoff until time runs out, and ridiculous accusations would fly. The Pats have someone filming from the stands, the Pats paid the guy in the blimp, etc. This is the part that's more aggrivating for me, that it's going to completely strip these players of their accomplishments and achievements. Tom Brady was going to be a legimate MVP contender this year with his offensive weapons. Randy Moss could be considered a longshot for Comeback Player of the Year. And they could both have record setting seasons. But do you think that they'd get the awards? Hell no, this scandal is going to permanently lay a dark cloud over their heads. Even if this was orchestrated by 3 guys, and the players had no idea, they just executed the plays relayed to them, the scandal and blame will follow them wherever they go.

For those that don't know, a brief history of the team and organization. The Pats have always been like the guy in high school that walks the line perfectly. He's cool, he gets along with everyone, funny, smart. But he doesn't have an ego, doesn't have a flashy personality. He'll just show up, do his work, associate with his friends, and that's it. That's been the Patriots organization. In 2001, their first Superbowl under Belichick, they decided against the previous tradition of coming out individually and opted to be introduced as a team, because that's what they were. No one person was bigger than anyone else, they were a team, a single unit. And since then, everyone has done it. There's never been a TO or a Joe Horn. No excessive celebrations, no retarded comments to the media, no scandal, nothing. Tom Brady wins three superbowls yet still remains the humblest person in the nfl, never hesitating to thank his offensive line and his teammates, taking the spotlight off himself. And the fact is that people were sick of it. I'm not making it up, and I'm not referring to the national media, since they don't have opinions of their own. But in discussions with other fans, the Patriots were easily the most hated team in the NFL. Because they were so successful, and there was so little to use against them. Such a big deal was made when after beating the Chargers in the playoffs last year, a few Patriot players performed Shawne Merriman's(Charger linebacker) retarded Lights Out dance. Philip Rivers whined and bitched, and LT stated that we were a classless organization. So celebrating a victory is classless, but when Shawne Merriman rushes his 6ft 4 272lb body into a quarterback and sacks him(which could easily turn into a serious injury) and does the dance, it's totally okay? Oh, and there's also the fact that he was suspended four games for testing positive for steroids. Of course, he stated that it must have been in a tainted nutritional supply he took regularly. When Miami's Jason Taylor commented that someone that's tested positive for steroids shouldn't be able to win defensive player of the year, Merriman responded by sending him "a "Lights Out" t-shirt and a box of popcorn with a note essentially saying enjoy watching him in the playoffs." Yea, if only we had as much class as that.

So earlier this season, word came that New England safety Rodney Harrison was going to be suspended 4 games for possession of HGH(Human Growth Horomone). HGH is something that can't be tested for, the way he was caught is that his name came up during a federal investigation of a doctor illegally supplying HGH, and when brought in to meet with NFL officials, he admitted to acquiring it while recovering from injuries, hoping that it would allow him to heal quicker and return to the game. His full statement follows:

I'm basically here to let you all know that tomorrow the commissioner will announce that I've been suspended by the NFL for violating the league policy on banned substances. That suspension will be four games.

I want to make it clear that not once did I ever use steroids. I did admit to the commissioner that I did in fact use a banned substance. My purpose was never to gain a competitive edge. Rather, my use was solely for the purpose of accelerating the healing process of injuries I sustained while playing football.

I haven't made excuses nor will I make excuses. I made a mistake and I'm very sorry for that. I understand that I'm a role model to high school to college, to young kids. I don't condone my decision, my behavior. I'm very, very embarrassed by it. I'm disappointed in myself and to any young person, any high schooler, any college athlete — I sent the wrong message with my actions. And I would ask and I would want to be the example for them to never jeopardize what they believe in and never jeopardize their health. And they always have to love themselves.

At this time I would like to ask all you guys, because I know you guys got a 100 million questions for me, but this is a mistake. This is something that I've done. This is nothing that my teammates were involved in and I ask at this time for the respect of my teammates not to be violated. This is something that Rodney Harrison did (and) Rodney Harrison did alone. My teammates didn't do it.

So, as they're preparing for the (New York) Jets and the San Diego (Chargers) game, Cincinnati (Bengals) and those games after that, I would ask if you'd just would give them the respect (and) to not badger them with questions because they don't have any information dealing with it and as well as my family.

I have kids. I have a wife and I would just ask for the respect for my family. It's something that I did and they shouldn't have to go through anything.

I will be absent from the team for the next four weeks: That's the penalty that I have to serve. To which I intend to return and do my best to really help this team in any capacity that I can help this team to get back to winning a championship.

It's been a tough time for me the last week or two. Even before this, I've apologized to my family, which has supported me so much, my friends, and I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to my teammates. Like I said before, they never were involved in this. This is something that I did and I apologize to them for being a distraction because that's the last thing we need going into the regular season.

I never intended for that to happen. I apologize to the entire New England Patriot organization and the fans who've supported me so faithfully over my past five seasons here. Through Super Bowls. Through injury. Through ups and downs they've supported me and I definitely, definitely appreciate that.

At this time, that's my statement. I'm not taking any questions. And like I asked before, I appreciate your patience and I just ask that you respect my teammates and my family. Thank you.

What you're seeing there is not denial, or excuses. He fessed up, apologized, and he's going to serve his 4 weeks, and then return to the team. Even in the low times he still looks better than countles others because unlike them, Merriman and Bonds and Ankiel, he just fessed up. He knows he did something wrong, obviously the rest of the world knows, so why try to feign innocence? Yet people were so quick to crucify him and call the Patriots out as a bullshit organization full of juicers and liars(this was before the videotaping incident). First off, HGH is not a steroid. Studies have shown that it doesn't provide an on-field boost. It's primary use is as he stated, shortening recovery time. And I'm sorry, because one guy used HGH and admitted to it, all of a sudden we're a classless, crappy organization? Travis Henry has nine kids with nine women. Brian Urlacher owes child support and told the mother of his child that she's a bitch and she's raising a pussy. Joey Porter attacked Levi Brown in Las Vegas, with a bunch of his friends. Albert Haynesworth stomped on Andrew Gurorde's exposed head and face with his cleats. And then there's Michael Vick. But yet, everyone is so quick to try and bring down the organization. I'm not trying to be petty, I'm not trying to say we have the perfect organization(despite the fact that the illusion of that was here for a few years). I'm merely stating that most of this backlash is going to be undeserved and a result of alterior motives.

Today, Bill Belichick offered an apology in typical Belichick-ese:

Earlier this week, I spoke with Commissioner Goodell about a videotaping procedure during last Sunday's game and my interpretation of the rules. At this point, we have not been notified of the league's ruling. Although it remains a league matter, I want to apologize to everyone who has been affected, most of all ownership, staff and players. Following the league's decision, I will have further comment."

The Patriots will speak with commissioner Roger Godell by this Friday, and then he's expected to hand down his punishment, which could be as simple as a fine to the team and/or people involved, but is widely expected to be a loss of at least one draft pick in the 2008 draft. But there you go, this is my interpretation of what's gone on. I'm not expecting you to read it all, but give your thoughts if you did.

Introduction

2007-07-30T11:46:00.000-04:00

Welcome to my corner of the internet, part of the 5.3(and declining) percent that isn't some sort of pornography. Right off the bat, the name. I wish I could say there was some deep mystal mantra to it, something you could get on a bumper sticker and use as a crutch to "change your life", but that's sadly not the case. It was a random phrase I uttered while trying to give my friend advice on something. Of course, I was wildly inebriated at the time. But despite that, once the words had left my lips, even I knew that something wasn't quite right, it was missing that certain something....ah, comprehension. I spent a bit of time trying to think of some name for this blog that would encompass most of my interests and traits, then said fuck it and went with this. At the very least, I can say it's unique.

I live in Boston, one of those people you hate that claims to be "taking time off to try and find their path". I work random odd, uninspiring jobs, and in the meantime, my top interests would be football(New England Patriots), music(I've played the guitar for about 6 years, and I'm a big fan of most any type of metal, except power metal. That's honestly like receiving bukkake in your ears. I do like plenty of non-metal stuff as well...expect combinations of bands you wouldn't normally expect.), and videogames.

As for what to expect from this blog, with the preseason right around the corner, it's a safe bet football will be the main topic for the next few months. Some analysis, some parody, and some shit that will make you never read this blog again. As time goes on, I'll be writing about more stuff, be it album reviews, game reviews, or just any thoughts I happen to be having on some aspect of life. It'll be a big wealth of information that will provide your mind with absolutely no nourishment, similar to trying to drink a gallon of air. So stick around maybe you'll actually be entertained.