A journey.

I looked up at the ceiling...there was a reddish pattern/stain on one of the tiles. It looked like a circular saw cutting into a person. He was pinned up against a wall, with no way of avoiding it, and the saw just kept cutting deeper and deeper into him. It was at least two feet tall. I could hear the anger in his voice.

We went outside and looked at the stars. They were all moving around, but not fluidly. It was manic, and random, like they were flickering. When I looked at the ground, I could see them falling, making tiny little imprints where they collided with the snow. I looked back up at the trees and bushes surrounding us, and saw similar flickering lights. But they weren't stars, they were red. They were eyes, pairs of red eyes, flickering and watching and waiting for us to approach them, to go somewhere that they could reach us. But we weren't moving, so they merely sat on the border and waited.

When I closed my eyes and looked at everything through my shut eyelids, it was like having my vision enhanced. Everything was covered in a green pattern and illuminated. The pattern was like an italicized diamond with curved corners and a black dot in the center. Everything was covered in this pattern; the ground, the people, the trees, the skies, everything. But when my eyes were closed, the ones on the edge of the border were also able to speak to me. I couldn't comprehend exactly what they were saying, but I understood their emotions, their intents. And they made it very clear to me that because I would not venture past the line, they were going to lash out. And they made sure that I knew she was the target. Immediately after this, the two of them walked off to frolic around in the snow, while I stood there contemplating what I'd been told.

One returned, but she did not. We were talking for about 3 minutes before the rest of them realized that she wasn't present. I'd been constantly checking for her the entire time, but didn't make it known because I didn't want to start a panic of any sort. We called to her, and heard her voice...from a higher altitude. It turns out that she had climbed the tree from her youth. It was pitch black, so I couldn't see her, but knew from her voice that she was high enough where it would cause some damage should the worst come to pass. It was at this moment of realization that they communicated with me again, as if to confirm my worst fears. At this point, doing my best to avoid making the others aware of the situation, I suggested that we all go inside, and that she come down from the tree. There was some reluctance, but eventually, they agreed. The two of them went in, and I was left waiting for her to come down, still unable to see her. The longer she took, the more panicked I became. I started to walk over towards her with the intention of catching her/breaking her fall should anything come to pass, but luckily she was able to make it down. At this point the amount of stars colliding with the ground increased tenfold and once again I suggested that we join the other two inside. I could sense the frustration in their voices that they were unable to strike at us.

Once inside, we decided to venture into the basement, using only a candle for light. The four of us stood in a circle around the flame. But every time I closed my eyes to view things through my green filter, something called out to me. It wasn't human, it wasn't the things from outside, this was something new. I turned away from them and walked towards the darkness, unsure of what I was looking for. Looking through closed eyes, it seemed as though the path was open, but upon opening my eyes and extending my hand, I discovered a wall. I also became aware of the fact that the same beings from outside were with us again. They were surrounding the edge of the light, waiting for it to go out, knowing that they could not come to us as long as we were illuminated. At this point I spun around and spotted a small window at the other end of the basement. Closing my eyes again, I got my first glimpse of it as it called out to me again. It wasn't a sound that I can describe easily. It was a combination of a hawk's cry and an elephant's trumpet. Shrill and high pitched, it was difficult to identify the emotion behind it. At the window, I saw its head moving down into position, and one gigantic eye peered in. The actual eyeball was bright pink, and the eye itself was a ring of blue surrounding a ring of gold, with a black pupil. It stared at me unblinking, and then the others called me to head upstairs. I looked at them, and when I looked back and closed my eyes, it was gone. As I headed upstairs, I knew that even though I couldn't see it, it was still present in some way.

Once upstairs, I closed my eyes and instead of looking for any specific thing, just allowed my mind to lead me. At first I saw blackness, then a green square materialized. Initially it just hovered there in blackness, and then it started to spread, and open up. At that point, I realized that it was a gateway, and looking through it allowed me to view the entire universe. I could see stars, planets, galaxies, all covered in the same vibrant green pattern. In order to take the gateway and bring it into my world, I formed a triangle with my hands and peered through it. I was mesmerized by what I saw on the other side. Everything so bright, so alive, so indescribable. And then, it flew past my line of sight. I didn't know what it was at first, I only saw its colors. A large body, an incredibly long tail with streaks of blue and green and yellow. And then it flew past again, and I realized that it was Quetzalcoatl, the Aztec god. And I realized that it meant no harm, it was actually following and watching over us to protect us from the others.

I placed my hands on the floor, still in the shape of a triangle, then knelt before it and bowed my head directly onto it, praying. Showing my gratitude for its protection and watchful eye. For the first time all night, I no longer felt or sensed the negative spirits around us; they were gone, and Quetzalcoatl was the reason for that.

I went into the bathroom, and looked in the mirror. I saw my eyes and looked at them. Stared at them. And stared into them. Through that reflection, I could see within myself and beyond myself, with the ability to view so much more than what I could comprehend. I was in there for about 10 minutes, just gazing, until they realized I was missing and came to find me. I returned to the room, laid down, closed my eyes, and resumed my journey through the universe.

A solution to the war

Let's talk politics right now. Most people are either Republicans or Democrats(Yea there are third parties and independents, but they don't factor in right now). A major point of contention between the two groups is the war. Most Democrats are staunchly opposed to the war and a continued presence in the middle east, and want our troops to be brought back home. Republicans on the other hand, are for the most part pro-war, and believe that we need tuh git the a-rabs uhcuz of that nine eleven. If we're not bombing someone, then something's not right. Now, I rarely, if ever talk politics in this journal. It usually leads to heated arguments and flame wars and I generally try to avoid those things. But I'm making this post because I finally had a stroke of genius, a solution to the war problem. I'll make the Republicans happy because we'll be bombing the utter shit out of something, and the Dems will be satisfied because this is an enemy that definitely deserves retaliation for years and years of pain inflicted upon people worldwide.

Ladies and Gentlemen...I propose we nuke...







"Let's get those cockblockin sonsabitches!"

Running the ball? What's that?

Washington Redskins defense in week 1: Gave up 154 rushing yards on 32 carries(4.8 yards per carry) against the Giants
Washington Redskins defense in week 2: Gave up 55 rushing yards on 19 carries(2.8 yards per carry) against the Saints
Washington Redskins defense in week 3: Gave up 126 rushing yards on 23 carries(5.3 yards per carry) against the CARDINALS


Houston Texans defense in week 1: Gave up 183 rushing yards on 39 carries(4.7 yards per carry) against the Steelers
Houston Texans defense in week 3: Gave up 158 rushing yards on 37 carries(4.2 yards per carry) against Tennessee


Kansas City Chiefs defense in week 1: Gave up 126 rushing yards on 28 carries(5.5 yards per carry) against New England
Kansas City Chiefs defense in week 2: Gave up 300 rushing yards on 47 carries(6.4 yards per carry) against Oakland
Kansas City Chiefs defense in week 3: Gave up 186 rushing yards on 36 carries(5.2 yards per carry) against the fucking Falcons


Maurice Jones-Drew entering week 4: 31 carries for 137 yards(4.4), facing Texans(giving up an average of 4.5)

Marion Barber III entering week 4: 62 carries for 285 yards(4.6), facing Redskins(giving up an average of 4.5)

Selvin Young entering week 4: 27 carries for 179 yards(6.6), facing Chiefs(giving up an average of 5.5)


Week 4 Results:

Maurice Jones-Drew: 7 carries, 32 yards, no touchdowns
Marion Barber III: 8 carries, 26 yards, no touchdowns
Selvin Young: 11 carries, 49 yards, no touchdowns.

YOU WORTHLESS MOTHERFUCKERS KILLED MY FANTASY TEAM THIS WEEK. DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW BADLY AND PAINFULLY I WAS FUCKED? THE GUY I PLAYED AGAINST DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT ALMOST HALF HIS ROSTER HAD A BYE WEEK. SO HE PLAYED WITH ONE RECEIVER, ONE RUNNING BACK, AND NO DEFENSE. YET YOU THREE FUCKERS, GOING UP AGAINST DREEEEEAM MATCHUPS COMBINED FOR A FUCKING PATHETIC 26 CARRIES FOR 107 YARDS. MB3 HAD MORE THAN THAT ON HIS OWN LAST WEEK(28 for 142, 1 td). AND NOW I FIND MYSELF DOWN 8 POINTS TO A GUY THAT PROBABLY FUCKING FORGOT HE'S EVEN IN A LEAGUE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

And Jacksonville, you sorry fucks. What happened to the defense that gave up only 20 to the Bills? 21 to the Colts? YOU LET THE TEXANS HANG 27 ON YOU? AND YOU CAN'T EVEN REGISTER A SINGLE FUCKING SACK? FUCK OFF AND DIE YOU ASSHOLES.

In Belichick We Trust

So it's official, Tom Brady is on injured reserve and his season is over. The offense is now in the hands of Matt Cassel. Ever since watching the hit I've been this sad, depressed sack, and it's time to end it. If there's one thing that every Patriots fan should know by now, it's trust in Belichick. The last time the starting quarterback went down, some 6th round unknown came in and led the team to a Superbowl title. Am I saying Matt Cassel will equal or surpass Tom Brady? No(although I wouldn't complain if he did). But the rest of the team is still intact, and the offense especially is loaded, so as long as he doesn't make mistakes and throw costly picks, the season isn't over yet. It's a stroke of luck that the Patriots had the league's easiest schedule this season, because there are going to be a lot of close, hard-fought games. With the seeming decline of the Colts and Chargers, the ascendancy of the Bills and Jets, and the yearly strong opening showing by the Steelers, the AFC is wide open for anyone's taking.

This is what happens when you get bored at work.

Ladies and gentlemen…I’ve traveled over half our state to be here tonight. I couldn’t get away sooner because there was a final piece of intel to be captured and I had to destroy the sentry guarding it. That intel is now safely stored in the RED base where BLU shall never see it again. I have more intel stored and more on the way. So..Ladies and gentlemen, if I say I’m a demo man you will agree.

Now you have a great chance here, but bear in mind, you can lose it all if you’re not careful. Out of all the men that claim they are worthy of the uber to destroy the sentries, maybe one in twenty will be demo men; the rest will be soldiers- that’s men trying to get between you and the demo men to get some of the intel that ought by rights come to you. Even if you find one that has stickies, and means to destroy, he’ll maybe know nothing about demolition and he’ll have to hire the job out to a spy, and then you’re depending on a spy who may get distracted and try to knife a medic. That is the way this works.

I do my own demolition, and the medics that uber me uber only me and they’re medics I know. I make it my business to be there and use their charges. I don’t have my stickies bounce off the turret and then abandon the mission. I don’t allow my stickies to be shot away by an engineer. I’m a family man. I run a family business. This is my son and my partner H.W. Plainview(SENTRY NOT DESTROY SELF). We offer you the bond of family that very few demo men can understand. I’m fixed like no other demo man in this field and that’s because I recently procured BLU’s intel. I have two fully loaded launchers ready to put to work. I can load extra stickies onto carts and have them here in a week. I have business connections so I can get a medic for the ubercharge- such things go by friendship in a rush like this. And this is why I can guarantee to start demolishing enemy sentries and secure the intel. I assure you ladies and gentlemen, no matter what the others promise to do, when it comes to the showdown, they won’t be there.



(If I had more motivation, and knew how to take and edit video from tf2, I've already got the basic storyboards for a trailer in my head. Maybe when I get some downtime I'll explore this further.)

The most amazing and disappointing dream ever.

My alarm went off this morning and I leaned forward, hit snooze, and dropped back into bed. But then I sat up again, and looked out the window. It was still very early, so the sun hadn't come up yet. But I was watching the moon descend below the horizon, and at the same time, the sun rise above it. This was all happening quickly, like a time lapse, but without the stuttery motion. The other thing is that the sun didn't seem to be lit. It was ghostly white(but not transparent or anything), and I could easily see the solar flares all around it. The most amazing part of the dream was that other than the sun and the moon, there wasn't much else in the sky...no clouds. But what there was in the sky, looked like this:




Just a bright red nebula across the entire sky, as far as I could see, and thousands of stars. Far, far more than you see in that photograph. And I remember just staring in awe and smiling. Then I laid back down. I got up soon after and thought to myself how awesome that was, and that I should go take another look at it. But then slowly my mind started to piece together the impossibilities, such as the non-shining sun, the fast movement of both the sun and the moon, and oh yea, the red fucking nebula plastered across the sky. And it was so vivid, that I initially believed that I had seen it, I was convinced. And as reality set in, I just got kind of depressed.

If you want to be amazed by space, look at this picture. It's called the Hubble Ultra Deep Field, and it's an image taken by the Hubble Telescope between 9/03 and 1/04. It contains an estimated 10,000 galaxies. Now, to put that into perspective, look at this picture. The HUDF, those ten thousand galaxies, the frame of that picture is that tiny little red X.

Love...or something like it

'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.


Everyone's heard that saying at one point or another. It's frequently tossed out to comfort a newly single acquaintance, usually paired with the equally eloquent "There's plenty of other fish in the sea." To those that have spoken this line in the context of relationships, if you believe it, you've never felt love. I understand what loneliness can do to someone, how it can feel not having a counterpart by your side to progress through life, lift you up when you're down, and other cliches. But I can say for a fact, from personal experience, and from observing others, the feeling of being sans love is nothing compared to finding that love, and then losing it. It's not possible it can come close. Even if you take a person that is so lonely they're hopelessly depressed; if you were to give them love, and then take it away, they would sink into unimaginable depths.

Everyone has experienced loneliness. No one has their perfect match throughout their entire life, we've all been jealous of seeing the popular couple walk around school/the neighborhood/elsewhere and wondered why it couldn't be you. It's not easy, but it's not an impossible feeling to deal with. It's always there, but you manage to go about your daily routine sans interruption. But having that perfect level of happiness, knowing that no matter how bad your day was, you'll have that someone to talk to, there'll always be that person that won't turn on you, is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. And getting accustomed to, and then losing it, is an emptiness I would wish on very few people. The only way that I can describe losing love is being eaten alive from the inside. Of course, the common metaphor is your heart breaking. But it goes far beyond that. The normal routine you'd been accustomed to, having that person there to talk to or see, all of a sudden has been turned on its head. Your mind doesn't know what to do, because usually when you had a problem or something to talk about, that was the person you'd talk to. It's also the only thing you can think about. You wonder what caused it, did you make a mistake somewhere, did you take something for granted, what was the cause, and how can you redeem yourself? Everyone tells you it's best to move on, but you can't. Your body, your mind, they aren't ready to move on. You'd prefer to take a million steps backwards to fix the situation than to take one step forwards and move on with your life. You stop eating, you stop caring about anything else. You don't see your friends, you don't talk to anyone, you become a literal shell of yourself. Everyone on the outside sees you, they see a person standing there, the person they recognize from so many memories. But inside, you're hollow. The biggest part of your life just up and disappeared, and you don't know how to react. It's a swirl of emotions and some people get through it, and some don't. But trust me when I say that if you're still waiting for your first love, you're better off.